Story After the Bombs Dropped

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by The Squid, Jul 13, 2015.


Should I continue with this?

  1. Yes.

  2. No.

  3. Shut up and stop writing fan fics!

Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. The Squid

    The Squid Oxygen Tank

    Chapter Seven is up.
    Kaiachi likes this.
  2. Kaiachi

    Kaiachi Tiy's Beard

    Somehow I had managed to miss the last three chapters of the story, but I read them, and it was great! So descriptive in an unusual and welcoming way. :D It was intense and full of action without being redundant, and I feel for poor Roy. This is making out to be an interesting story.

    One thing I noticed though, was in Chapter Five, when Anthony is running towards the mech in the corner, his name was 'Anything'. It was barely noticeable and I had to reread the sentence to catch it, but thought I'd let you know! The flow of the story is perfect and lovely. I can't wait for more! :D
    The Squid likes this.
  3. The Squid

    The Squid Oxygen Tank

    I'm glad you like it! I'm planning on bringing Roy back in the next few chapters, so stay tuned!
    As for the part about Anthony, I think it was probably autocorrect.
    Kaiachi likes this.
  4. Kaiachi

    Kaiachi Tiy's Beard

    Oh man, I'm so tuned that I'm becoming a TV. :rofl:

    And I figured that was it! :p
    The Squid likes this.
  5. Tatterdemalion

    Tatterdemalion Phantasmal Quasar

    I'm loving the story so far! Your action sequences are perfectly paced, by the way.
    The Squid and Kaiachi like this.
  6. The Squid

    The Squid Oxygen Tank

    I'm glad you like it! Before I was worried that the action scenes seemed a bit repetitive plot-wise, so that's good to know!
    Kaiachi likes this.
  7. Kaiachi

    Kaiachi Tiy's Beard

    I agree with with Tatter, the action scenes are perfect.
    The Squid likes this.
  8. The Squid

    The Squid Oxygen Tank

    Chapter eight has arrived!
    Kaiachi and Tatterdemalion like this.
  9. Kaiachi

    Kaiachi Tiy's Beard

    Aw man, just as they were about to catch a break. :rofl: It's very great though! What a quirk, saving the couch!
    The Squid and Tatterdemalion like this.
  10. Tatterdemalion

    Tatterdemalion Phantasmal Quasar

    I think that this episode was a great device to slow down a bit after the action and give a nice bit of characterization to the protagonists in a method that, in addition, moves the story forward. Good job!
    The Squid and Kaiachi like this.
  11. Shador

    Shador Subatomic Cosmonaut

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  12. The Squid

    The Squid Oxygen Tank

    Just so you guys know, I'm working on the next chapter, but it's taking a long time because of school. But I'm also gonna ask for your opinion on something: would you be interested in a bunch of short stories based in the After the Bombs Dropped universe, only they happen before the events in the story actually take place? I'm only asking because the other day I was trying to write something and I randomly thought og the words "before the bombs dropped" and I wanted to do something with them. Let me know what you guys think.
    Zebe, Alkanthe and Kaiachi like this.
  13. Kaiachi

    Kaiachi Tiy's Beard

    Before the bombs dropped? Yeah, sounds great to me, actually. I'm very curious about the events before hand. :D
    Alkanthe and The Squid like this.
  14. Zebe

    Zebe Space Kumquat

    I haven't commented here, odd. Was that your other story? Anyways, I secon... third Tatterdemalion on the action scenes. They were a pleasure to read.


    I'd read a prequel. On a comfy couch.
    The Squid and Kaiachi like this.
  15. The Squid

    The Squid Oxygen Tank

    Alright, here's part one of the "Before the Bombs Dropped" series. It's not my best work, because I was very tired when I started/ended it, but it turned out better than I anticipated. Enjoy!

    The mayor gazed out the window of his two-story town house. Perched on a small hill on the center of town, he had a magnificent view of the surrounding village. On that day, the sun had been shoved behind the clouds like a forgotten toy. Being late fall, the air was crisp and slightly chilly, however it was rather pleasant to be outside.

    The mayor stepped out onto his balcony, his dark red feathers ruffling slightly in the breeze. In his hand was a steaming cup of black coffee, which he slowly sipped as he surveyed his town.

    A shadow passed overhead, and at first the mayor thought little of it. It was then that he noticed several Avians in the town square pointing to the sky and chattering excitedly. The mayor craned his head to see what the cause of this commotion was, but his view was obstructed by the copper roofing of his home. He ran back inside, placing his coffee on the table and quickly getting dressed. He donned his black silk coat and top hat and ran down the stairs, not bothering to close the door as he ran outside. What he saw confused him.

    At first glance, there appeared to be an enormous swarm of metallic birds slowly flying in a strange formation above the planet. This was not the case, of course. These 'birds' were actually one of the Miniknog's largest ship fleets, led by the infamous destroyer known as the "Extinguisher." The mayor frowned. What business did the Miniknog have with his humble town? As the crowds of watching Avians grew, the ships slowly passed over the city. The continued into the distance, and gradually the Avians dispersed. But the mayor remained concerned.

    The Miniknog wouldn't just send their largest fleet of ships to scout a virtually uninhabited planet, would they? No, he decided, they wouldn't. So why were they here?

    It was about noon when the first troops were deployed. The mayor was filing some paperwork in his office when it occurred. His window, which was open so as to let the cool autumn air in, gave way to the sounds of screaming. It was not a nice sound.

    The mayor rushed to his balcony and peered in the direction of the town gates. The town gates rose about twenty feet above the ground and ensured that nothing could harm the village. They were constantly manned by some of the best warriors the town had, and were situated directly above the entrance to the town's underground ship hangar.

    As the mayor looked into the distance, he became aware of smoke rising from the east town gate. Beyond the town, in a small clearing, sat a large Miniknog transport ship. Dozens of soldiers flooded out and stormed the town gates, leaving havoc and destruction in their wake.

    The mayor had to think fast. What could the Miniknog want with them? They had had no conflict with anybody for as long as the villagers could remember.

    The mayor clicked a small button on his desk. This button activated the town’s alarm system. It had never been used before, and he was glad that it did.

    On the other side of town, a hatch opened up in the ground. Several dozen ships poured out, spilling into the air like a swarm of gold and red mosquitoes. They opened fire on the invading Miniknog soldiers, sending several falling to the ground. The Miniknog reacted instantly. Seemingly as one, hundreds of ships rose into the sky like some gigantic metal beast. Surprisingly enough, the Avians put up a good fight.

    But it wasn’t good enough.

    The mayor sighed as he was notified that the last of the town’s ships had been destroyed. That fleet had served them well for years, keeping out some nearby Floran tribes and other threats. Dozens of glorious battles with seemingly endless victories, only to get squashed under the Miniknog’s polished, standard-issue combat boots.

    The mayor new all hope was lost. Downstairs, he heard splintering wood and metal as his door was kicked down. The sounds of violence on the streets outside filled the old house.

    Heavy footsteps and shouts stomped up the stairs, and the mayor calmly unlocked a locked desk drawer. He carefully removed a fully loaded pistol from inside, placed it to his head, and shot himself in the head.

    When the Miniknog soldiers walked in, they carelessly smashed and destroyed the now deceased mayor’s possessions. They found him slumped on the desk, gun still in hand. They laughed coldly, kicking his body off the chair and onto the clean hardwood floors. Then they left. And the house was still.
    Zebe, Alkanthe and Kaiachi like this.
  16. Kaiachi

    Kaiachi Tiy's Beard

    Damn. That escalated quickly. O.O
    Zebe and The Squid like this.
  17. Zebe

    Zebe Space Kumquat

    yus this is good

    Although the fate of the mayor was sad, I found it funny how he remained so calm and controlled. Felt like he just relaxed and was like "alright, this was it then" before shooting himself.
    there's something wrong with my sense of humor
    The Squid, Kaiachi and Alkanthe like this.
  18. Kaiachi

    Kaiachi Tiy's Beard

    I imagine there was classical music going on in the background as he was preparing.
    Your humor is fine.
    The Squid and Zebe like this.
  19. Shador

    Shador Subatomic Cosmonaut

    Some men just wanna watch the universe burn.[DOUBLEPOST=1446229093][/DOUBLEPOST]
    My flight-teacher was a Floran. She had the exact same sense of humor. She died when teaching a young hylotl.
    The Squid, Kaiachi and Zebe like this.
  20. The Squid

    The Squid Oxygen Tank

    Added chapter 8.5! It's pretty short and only kind of moves the plot along, so it's not worthy of being a full chapter.
    Shador, Zebe, Kaiachi and 1 other person like this.

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