Poem In Search for Love

Discussion in 'Winter Holiday Contest' started by Scruffy, Dec 24, 2012.

  1. Scruffy

    Scruffy Pangalactic Porcupine

    So I decided to do something different... make my own freestyle Christmas Poem from scratch. It's fairly short and I'm not quite sure how this will work but oh well, enjoy!​
    In Search for Love
    Is there such thing as true love,​
    on a lonely Christmas Day?​
    Is there such thing as true love,​
    past the galaxies and beyond?​
    Is there anywhere out there,​
    in the barren floran land,​
    where I can find my only true love?​
    I have searched from star to star,​
    from wide and far,​
    in desperate search for love,​
    on this lonely Christmas Day.​
    A lonely Floran standing in the cold,​
    Is there love for a battle hardened warrior?​
    My fellow members now show disrespect​
    of what I have become.​
    As I look beyond the hill,​
    I glance upon a house,​
    The laughter echoing still,​
    while I stand alone on Christmas Day.​
    I fall to my knees,​
    with tears streaking down,​
    giving up hope of ever finding true love.​
    Is there such thing as true love​
    on a lonely Christmas Day?​
    Is there such thing as true love​
    past the galaxies and beyond?​
    Is there such thing as true love​
    on a lonely Christmas Day?​
    Is there such thing as true love​
    past the galaxies and beyond?​
    Is there such thing as true love​
    for a blood thirsty Floran?​
    Is there... true love for a Floran​
    on a lonely Christmas Day?​



    I plan on editing it a bit more, it could use some fleshing out. Some feedback would be helpful.​
     
  2. Crazyon

    Crazyon Master Astronaut

    :up:
    :D
    I wish you good fortune :3
     
  3. Scruffy

    Scruffy Pangalactic Porcupine

    Thanks

    EDIT: On a side note I should change this from a song to a poem...
     
  4. Ander

    Ander Void-Bound Voyager

    Pretty sure it's a) supposed to be a song parody, and b) supposed to be starbound related.
     
  5. Scruffy

    Scruffy Pangalactic Porcupine

    A) Yea I'm changing it to a poem and :cool: "
    As you would expect, all entries in the contest have to be holiday/winter related."​
     
  6. Ander

    Ander Void-Bound Voyager

     
  7. Scruffy

    Scruffy Pangalactic Porcupine

    Ahh well I'll make it a floran in the story, only a slight change I hope.
     
  8. Crazyon

    Crazyon Master Astronaut

    Well, Good luck with the poem!
    You should check my song out :3
     
  9. Scruffy

    Scruffy Pangalactic Porcupine

    I already have :3
     
  10. Sham

    Sham Spoony Bard

    Ah, the first true free-style poem entry I have read! I really enjoyed it, but since you asked for some feedback I will offer some.

    I really like the structure. The elements that you pull in are clearly identified and expressed.

    The Starbound influence feels like it was an afterthought. I would try to focus more on that.

    Best of luck to you Scruffy! :)
     
    Scruffy likes this.
  11. Scruffy

    Scruffy Pangalactic Porcupine

    Thank you, I'll try to improve on it.
     
  12. Sham

    Sham Spoony Bard

    Thank you for sharing!
     
  13. Mist Eerie Owhs(Elijah)

    Mist Eerie Owhs(Elijah) Star Wrangler

    I love how a lot of people came to read this and comment on it, since it had the word 'Love' in it? Sister says: "I would've cried if I read it slowly." My expected reaction:
    [​IMG]. It didn't even rhyme. I thought poems were all about rhymes :blank:. This is more like a limerick.
     
  14. Sham

    Sham Spoony Bard

    There is such a thing as a poem in free-verse, and limericks have a strict rhyming scheme which this is not like at all.
     
  15. Scruffy

    Scruffy Pangalactic Porcupine

    There is such thing as a free verse poem... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_verse
     
  16. Crazyon

    Crazyon Master Astronaut

    Tsk Tsk Tsk...That is a rather harsh, and rude comment..
    There are multiple forms of poetry, and a Limerick is a form of poetry, is it not?
     
  17. Sham

    Sham Spoony Bard

    Silly people are silly. Don't pay them any mind Scruffy!

    I agree, and yes they are!
     
  18. Mist Eerie Owhs(Elijah)

    Mist Eerie Owhs(Elijah) Star Wrangler

    I am ashamed from what I said. Apparently Im a noob at poem history.
     
  19. Sham

    Sham Spoony Bard

    It is quite alright, we all make mistakes! Just remember to learn from them.:up:
     
  20. Crazyon

    Crazyon Master Astronaut

    Just be careful on what you say, and try not to sound rude :p
    :alien:
     

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