Redhead in Joja Mart

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by DukeOfRiven, Mar 29, 2016.

  1. crazygreggy

    crazygreggy Phantasmal Quasar

    She's the result of consuming one JoJa cola too many - complete brain death. She'd be a zombie but Morris saw Shaun of the Dead and thought that she would be more gainfully employed behind a cash register.
     
    • Shajhirah

      Shajhirah Master Chief

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      • Jumboshrimp

        Jumboshrimp Cosmic Narwhal

        Are all mystery meat from Joja are made from human meats? I don't get eating human meats in any circumstances, unless there are no other alternatives. Humans are one of the most wasteful animals in term of energy expenditure. They take a long time to grow, and gain more fat than muscles, pigs actually have lower fat percentage and only take around 3-6 months. On average, pigs and cows should provide more meats than humans. Plus, due to how closely our DNA are to each other, diseases can transfer through eating human meats are a lot easier than eating non-human meats. Prion diseases are often found in cannibal tribes. I doubt Joja mart can afford such a lawsuit. Maybe they would just cut her up into pieces and feed it to the pigs before processing them for meat.
         
        • Gabaw

          Gabaw Spaceman Spiff

          There's a twist! Secretely, JojaMart Redhead was a foreign spy hired by both Pierre and his old ties in the CIA. Mr. Morris, a former KGB agent whose heart was still in the Motherland, suspected her from the very beginning. Thus began his morbid plan to feed Joja Redhead to Pierre directly. The next time he went into his shop to spread JojaMart coupons and Communist propaganda, he gave Pierre a cordon bleu made of someone very special...
           
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          • Aemi

            Aemi Starship Captain

            damnit now im kinda shipping nameless cashier and Shane. >_<
             
            • Trifoilum

              Trifoilum Cosmic Narwhal

              ......So if JojaMart/Gus start selling special roast meat / hamburger / meatballs spaghetti....


              .....beware.

              Or don't. It may be delicious as heck?
               
              • DukeOfRiven

                DukeOfRiven Giant Laser Beams

                All I wanted to know was one girl's identity.

                Boy did it get dark in here.
                 
                • WATERTHOOOOOSSEE

                  WATERTHOOOOOSSEE Phantasmal Quasar

                  Look into the bubbling cauldron my child...
                  For you seek a hidden answer
                  you may feel like staying here forever....
                  For i am...


                  MORRIS!
                   
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                  • DukeOfRiven

                    DukeOfRiven Giant Laser Beams

                    Nonsense. Morris hasn't nearly enough personality to be a witch.
                     
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                    • crazygreggy

                      crazygreggy Phantasmal Quasar

                      Agreed. Not so much a witch as a what.
                       
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                      • DukeOfRiven

                        DukeOfRiven Giant Laser Beams

                        Morris: Just Kind Of There.

                        With all due love and respect to CA, Morris is the weakest part of the game - two cut scenes and one odious letter? Weak.
                         
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                        • zcsnightmare

                          zcsnightmare Scruffy Nerf-Herder

                          It's obvious that the future Maru built this android and sent it back in time to protect her younger self from JojaNet.

                          If she were to talk, her Austrian accent would be a dead giveaway.
                           
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                          • Corraidhín

                            Corraidhín Supernova

                            Given how Joja is a play on CoCa, I would say that Morris is more likely a capitalist pig than an honourable soviet, Pierre is very likely with the reds, trying to keep the market free and for the people, thus Stardew Valley is free of the clutches of capitalists, for now.
                             
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                            • DukeOfRiven

                              DukeOfRiven Giant Laser Beams

                              I was going to ask you why the hell you thought Maru was Austrian, but then I realized you were just doing Terminator.
                               
                              • Trifoilum

                                Trifoilum Cosmic Narwhal

                                so Maru is John Connor, Robin is Sarah Connor, and Demetrius is...Kyle Reese?

                                What is Sebastian, then?
                                 
                                • Corraidhín

                                  Corraidhín Supernova

                                  Skynet of course! why do you think hes hooked to that computer for :p
                                   
                                  • Trifoilum

                                    Trifoilum Cosmic Narwhal

                                    So we marry Skynet OR John Connor.

                                    NOT BAD
                                     
                                    • WATERTHOOOOOSSEE

                                      WATERTHOOOOOSSEE Phantasmal Quasar

                                      Not bad at all... *Strikes head with a piece of wood and grabs sebby while drinking coffee and speeds off*

                                      Bye bye sucka!
                                       
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                                      • DukeOfRiven

                                        DukeOfRiven Giant Laser Beams

                                        He's an angsty emo twerp still living in his mom's basement with a bong.

                                        YOU KNOW WE DON'T WANT HIM BACk, RIGHT?

                                        YOU CAN KEEP HIM!

                                        WE DON'T MIND!
                                         
                                        • Jumboshrimp

                                          Jumboshrimp Cosmic Narwhal

                                          You nerds watch Terminators?
                                           

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