Story The Chronicles of Bustow (thread II)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by The Squid, Nov 25, 2016.

  1. The Squid

    The Squid Oxygen Tank

    Due to numerous suggestions, I've made a new thread for this. If you don't know what 'this' is, it's a 23-page mediocre fan fiction I started 2 years ago. Also included is the less-poorly-written remake that I'm currently working on. Enjoy :DD

    original thread can be found here:

    Initializing Codex Journal™ startup...
    Battery: 62%
    Retrieving data...
    File type: Audio
    Storage left: 78%
    Date: 2/17/88

    Entry #1

    Things are not going as planned. I thought that after I escaped the Miniknog's clutches, I could just fly away. That is not what happened. After a few flaws in my otherwise fool-proof plan (running like hell to the nearest ship), I'm now trapped in a concrete jail cell with an Avian and a Floran. They're pretty nice, I guess. The Floran mostly just whispers the word 'stab' over and over again in the corner. That's normal for a Floran (I think).Fortunately, I swiped a matter manipulator from one of the guards. I've been slowly chipping away at the concrete for a week now, and have made considerable progress. Soon we'll be free!

    Entry #2

    I made a big mistake. When I finally tunneled my way to the surface, I accidentally collapsed a building. I also took out about a dozen guards with my sick fighting moves. I was on fire (both figuratively and literally, as one guard had a flame thrower). In the end, however, after a couple dozen red stim packs and six or seven nanowrap bandages, everything was ok. I bid my cell mates farewell and hijacked a ship. The ship's locker isn't stocked well, but it will have to do. All it has is a flashlight, some wheat, a broken sword, a blue stim pack, and some bread. I just wasted all of the fuel I had to get to some random desert planet. I haven't beamed down yet, because it's night time down there, but I'll go in the morning. For now, I'll just sleep in the chair in the control room. I'm pretty tired.

    Entry #3

    This sucks. The desert planet is a hellish, brutal place. Giant structures of bone jut out of the ground, towering over the ground, which is covered with more bone. There are also some hostile blue creatures. I managed to slaughter them and get some meat, but they're very dangerous. Fortunately, this planet is inhabited by Apex. They live in a very strange way, though. They live in Glitch houses deep in these crater things. There are usually two of them per house. I'd tell you more, but I have to go. There's a sandstorm, and I'm going to hide in the ground.

    Entry #4

    Well. Hiding in the ground was a mistake. As soon as I lit a torch, a small, orange monster came at me. Its beady black eyes stared pure hatred into mine, and it opened its fanged mouth to let out an eardrum-bursting scream. On its head was a small, floppy horn. If this beast hadn't been about to maul me, I would've chuckled. I managed to pull out the meat from the blue creatures and held it out. The orange creature stopped and sniffed it. After eating that, I think it likes me. I'm not sure. I think the sandstorm is over. I'm going to check it out now.

    Entry #5

    The ground is covered with even more sand than before. I know this because I had to climb over a bunch of sand dunes. The orange creature is still following me. I can't tell if he thinks of me as his friend or as his prey. I'll just call him 'Unicorn' for now because of his horn. Anyway, it's almost night-time. All I have is a flashlight. Hopefully I'll find one of those Apex houses.

    Entry #6

    I can see a large house in the distance. It's not an Apex/Glitch house. It's too big. I can now see that it is made out of wooden planks and has a thatched roof. There are no windows, which is kind of weird, but maybe the owners will be friendly. I also hope they like pets. Unicorn might run away.

    Entry #7

    These guys are nice enough. They're Glitches, and they wear these weird, silky purple robes. They said I could stay with them for the night, but that I couldn't go upstairs. They have a kennel for Unicorn to sleep in, which is nice. They even made us dinner; raw meat for Unicorn, and fried banana for me. They're pretty social, but they use a bunch of big words I don't understand, like 'chivalry'. Anyway, I'm going to bed now. The bed isn't that comfy, but it'll have to do.

    Entry #8

    Crap. These guys are insane. I woke up shackled to the wall, and all day long I've been trying to escape. There's really nothing to do. I made a haiku, though. Here it is.

    These people are bad

    They are really terrible

    I want to go now

    That's basically what I've done all day. I hope they release me soon.

    Entry #9

    I did it! I escaped! It was hard, but- oh fuck. They've got knives. Gotta go- View attachment 111030

    Entry #10

    Before my father was taken away and killed by the Miniknog, he said something to me I'll never forget. I was pretty young at the time, but I remember it quite clearly. "Son, I know you think Big Ape is a great person. I hate to tell you this... But... He's not. He's a horrible person. He kills people for fun. But son, just know this: one day, all villains must fall." Shortly after this, meaning ten minutes after, two guards stormed in, held a gun to his head, and took him away. They had security cameras in the clock, and they found out that he was a general in the rebel army. But back to what he said; "...all villains must fall." I'm pretty sure I'm not a villain, but I fell. I fell far. I fell right into a pile of sewage that the Glitch guys threw me into. When I turned on my flashlight, I discovered that I was in a small room made of thick stone bricks and was covered in shit. There's a small drain in the center of the wall, and not a lot of light, but I can see some interesting things. In the corner, there's a weird bush, and across from it is a giant pile of crap. It really sucks down here, and I'm starting to get nervous. Fortunately, there's no dead- holy shit. I just stepped on a fucking skull. I'm gonna throw up now.

    Entry #11

    Ok, so I was wrong about a few things. First, there ARE dead bodies down here, but they're mostly skeletons. Also, the weird bush thing in the corner is actually an old Floran woman. She's kind of freaking me out. She's talking to the giant pile of crap like it's alive. "Come oooouuttt... Floran wantsss to ssshow new guessst to you." Also, I've been working on getting us out. The wall seems thicker than concrete, though. It's gonna be hard to escape. The Floran also was sitting on a chest. I don't know whats in it, but I'm not sure I want to find out.

    View attachment 111128

    Ok, now I'm scared. The pile of poop is moving. It's-it's- a man. No, wait- it's a man made of crap. Frosty the Crap-man. This is really starting to freak me out. The poop thing is walking towards me. Oh my god, it just lifted his hand- oh shoot. He wants to shake my hand. Oh god. I don't want to touch this. But I can't offend him, and I think I have some hand sanitizer in my bag. Anyway, here goes nothing. Oh. My. Freaking. God. That was disgusting.

    Entry #12

    The poop man has done nothing all day but stare at me and the Floran. It's really weird. But then again, so is the concept of a giant man made out of poop. The Floran is acting strange, too. She's been walking in circles around the cell, and whenever I look at her she shrinks away and hisses. I haven't unearthed any more skeletons, which is nice. I tried to write some more haikus. Instead I've just been doodling in my journal. I drew the poop man pretty well.

    View attachment 111192

    That's what he looks like. I tried to draw an Avian with wings, but as I've never seen one, it turned out pretty really bad. View attachment 111193

    If I can make anything better, I'll put it in the journal. I'm gonna try and get some rest.

    Entry #13

    It turns out, the Floran has a huge fucking arsenal of BOMBS in the chest. She's agreed to loan me some bombs, some molotov cocktails, and some freaking PLASMA grenades. I finally managed to start a conversation with her. She and her husband fled their tribe in a stolen Glitch ship. She was gonna be sacrificed and eaten, so they escaped. They built a small house here, and they've been living happily for about fifty years. Then she started going on about 'oaken soldiers' and 'bad shroomiesss' that attacked her tribe. I think she's a little crazy. Anyway, we've rigged a giant bomb that I'm gonna blow up soon. I don't think it's going to go well.

    Entry #14

    We're about to set off the bomb. I don't know what's gonna happen, but I know it's not gonna go as we planned. Nothing ever does. Anyway, if I'm still alive after this, and hopefully I will be, I'll say what happens.

    Entry #15


    Entry #16

    I've gotten over my initial panic, and I'm making my way through a slimy system of tunnels. I got a bad cut on my back, but I bandaged that up. I think I got it when a brick from the cell fell on me. I don't know. I can't talk now, because there are too many monsters, but when I get out of these slimy caves I'll keep talking.

    Entry #17

    So I'm out of the slime tunnels and I'm in a large cavern made of sand. I'm pretty nervous, cause the slime tunnels caved in behind me, and I can't see a way out. If necessary, I can blast my way out. I managed to take some bombs from the chest before I left. Hold on- I think I hear music. Yes! I hear music! It's a loud, thumping bass. My god. There are some pretty weird things down here, but this is even weirder. I'll keep you posted.

    Entry #18

    It turned out that the music I heard is real! It almost got me killed, though. Basically, I stumbled upon some more stone bricks similar to those in the dungeon. They opened up into a trap door, and loud, electronic music echoed through the cavern. I jumped down and fell into a small, concrete room. I found a sliding metal door. I opened it, and I saw a bald Apex sitting on a blue couch. Then I realized it was a Human. He jumped up and pulled out an orange pistol, dropping a can of beer on the ground. He fired three shots, while I screamed, "HOLY SHIT! DON'T SHOOT MAN!" He stopped shooting and eyed me suspiciously. "Who the hell are you supposed to be?" he asked. "Bustow. Who are you, and why the fuck do you have a house down here?" I replied. "My names Chriswell. I don't trust you enough to tell you why I'm down here. Do you work for the Miniknag?" He pronounced Miniknog wrong, but I didn't correct him. "No. I'm part of a resistance group against them. Why?" He lowered his gun. "Alright. Drop your bag." I did. "Years ago, my home planet, Earth, was destroyed. I crashed my ship on this planet and found that it was inhabited by Miniknag officers. They tried to kill me. I moved down here to escape. I've lived here ever since," he said. That story sounded pretty credible, so I told him what had happened to me, and about how we were trapped in the cavern. "Don't worry. I have some pickaxes we can use. It might take awhile, but they'll work. Hey, you wanna beer?" he asked. "Sure." I popped open the can and took a swig. "Have a seat. Tell me about yourself some more," Chriswell said. I sat down on the comfy blue couch. He had been playing an arcade game on an arcade machine, and the screen had faded to black. I told him about myself. After that, he told me about himself. He had been raised on a space station orbiting Earth, but when that was destroyed by a tentacled monster, he had fled into space. He had built this underground bunker using cement he had made and things from his ship. He told me that the bunker had four main rooms: the living room, which we were in now, a research lab, his sleeping quarters, which consisted of several cots and a bathroom, and a farm/kitchen. He was just telling me that underneath one of the fields was a vault, but a terrifying roar cut him off. We had forgotten to close the door, and a monster had gotten in. It was large and green and stood on two thick legs. Despite it's tiny, squiggly looking arms, it was horrifying. I- holy crap there are more!

    Entry #19

    There were ten more monsters. We killed them, though. I guess after we killed the first one, it's family got pretty mad and attacked us. Chriswell gave me a red hammer, which I used to kill one of the creatures. Then I hid behind the couch. After that, he took me on a tour. His house is pretty cool, I guess. His farm is actually quite incredible. There are four fields, each holding two crops each. That means he can grow eight crops at once, all under ground. But the really awesome thing is his research lab. It's operated by these orange robots, unless he's there, in which case he would be running it. There were giant pods with spikes growing out of them, computers, half assembled Glitches, weird machines that shot out pixels, and dozens of other awe-inspiring sights. As we left, I asked him what he was saying about the vault. "Oh yeah," he said excitedly. "Follow me!"

    Entry #20

    The vault door is a neonmelon. Actually, it's under a neonmelon, but that's kind of the same thing. Anyway, the vault is a giant room made of steel. It has dozens of golden chests filled with valuable ores, fuel, weapons, and pixels. In the middle of the room is a table with an electronic screen on it. Chriswell says that the USCM uses this kind of table to plan battles, and he thought it would be cool to have one. After he showed me around the vault, we headed back up the ladder to the living room. Once there, he took a large duffel bag out from a shelf o the wall. He handed me a pickaxe, and took one for himself. "Now," he said. "Let's go dig ourselves out of this cave."

    Entry #21

    The cave fell on us. Buried in gravel. Can't talk now.

    Entry #22

    Ok. We managed to dig ourselves out. I think we'll be ok. Chriswell has a bunch of bombs, so he blasted us out. We're nearing the surface, I think. When we get out I'll talk more.

    Entry #23

    We've reached the surface. In the distance, I can see the cultist's house burning, although that might be a mirage. We've only encountered two monsters, so I think we'll make it to the ship safely. Now we've reached an Apex/Glitch house, which we didn't see because it was in a canyon. Gotta go for now.

    Entry #24

    Jesus. That house was a good example of the Miniknog's wrath. Both of the inhabitants were killed, and the house was in ruins. Parts of it were burning. We're nearing the cultists now. I have to go.

    Entry #25

    I thought that the damage done to the Apex's house was bad, but when I saw the cultist's house... well, that was ten times worse. I guess the bomb set the house on fire, and it collapsed. Man, I can't wait to leave this fucking planet. I've been seeing weird ships flying overhead. They're not from the Miniknog; I would know what those look like. They're blinking black and red ovals. There are lots of small ones, but theres one big one that's really freaking me out. I asked Chriswell about it, but he doesn't know. It's been getting closer, and we can only hope that it's friendly.

    Entry #26

    The ship is getting closer, and it doesn't look friendly. We've been seeing weird tiny soldier things walking around with guns. Right now, we're sitting outside of this concrete structure. Chriswell thinks they're penguins, a type of bird from Earth. They mutated in an experiment that went wrong, and became extremely intelligent. They reverse engineered a human ship, and eventually developed their own. Anyway, this concrete structure: it's weird. And- holy crap! They have tiny little penguin tanks! That's aweso- oh crap! BOOM *static*

    Entry #27

    Chriswell was right. These are penguins. They have me in a steel cage. I don't know how I got here, or where Chriswell is, because I blacked out. We were watching from on top of a hill when a tank started firing. The last thing I remember is falling down and seeing the entire side of the hill explode. Then I hit the ground and Chriswell and I were captured. I've seen lots a penguins waddling around, and while at any moment I know they can kill me, I can't help but chuckle a little. It's funny! They're waddling around like- oh oh. Here comes one now. Gotta go.

    Entry #28

    The penguins had me strapped down to a metal table. They performed several tests, and then injected me with a blue stim pack. I instantly felt a vibration in my legs, and I started running. I went insanely fast. I flew past the black and white birds, knocking over desks and breaking through doors. I past a row of steel cages, all of them empty except one. Chriswell was trapped in it. I ran into in, thinking I could break through the steel bars. I couldn't. I smashed right into the bars and felt a throbbing pain in my head. "AARGKGSHIZLESARH!!" I yelled. I decided to try a different approach. Looking through a nearby desk, I found a key. i inserted it into the lock, and it opened. Me and Chriswell ran. Alarms started blaring. Now we're in a mech, and we're trying to find the exit. Gotta go.

    Entry #29

    The mech exploded. The penguins went all kamikaze on us and flew their tiny UFOs into it. We just managed to jump out before they hit it. We made it to the surface. The penguins base goes deep underground. Now we're standing on what can only be described as a giant landing strip. The large UFO is nowhere to be seen. Hold on, Chriswell says he sees- crap. The UFOs here. Gotta go.

    Entry #30

    The giant UFO's circling around us. All around us, little penguin soldiers are beaming down from it. Chriswell has a riot shield that we're hiding behind, but our backs are against the wall. I'm not sure how much longer we can go without either fighting or running away, but I don't think it'll be very long.

    Entry #31

    I swear Chriswell's insane. He got a bunch of fucking climbing ropes and threw them at the penguin ship, screaming "COVER ME!!!" and throwing bombs. Many of them rolled right off of the ship, but some did minor damage. I'm doing my part too; running around smashing the penguins with my hammer. I swiped a miniature gun from a dead penguin, but it's not really doing anything. The bullets probably don't even leave a mark. This is a disaster. Chriswell's probably gonna die, and I'm gonna go down with him. Such a happy ending to my- HOLY SHIT! CHRISWELL! GET DOWN! Fuck! The penguin UFO has a death laser! Holy shi-

    Entry #32

    Death lasers are fucking AWESOME. Unless they're being pointed at you. In this case, unfortunately, they were being pointed at me. And Chriswell. Chriswell is actually pretty amazing though. He leapt onto the UFO, avoided getting killed by the death ray, and put a huge crack in the penguins ship using only his fists. Now there's black smoke leaking out and I can't really see Chriswell. Things aren't going as well down here. I'm smashing the mini-UFOs and barely avoiding getting blown up. Chriswell, on the other hand, is managing to stay standing while the UFO smashed into the ground. Oh yeah- the UFO is going all kamikaze and trying to dive bomb me. Shit, here it comes again! Chriswell! Look out! Fuck. Gotta go.

    Entry #33

    HAHAHAAA! WE FUCKIN' DID IT! The UFO hit the ground hard, and a piece of rubble hit my forehead. I picked it up an threw it at the UFO, and though my vision was slightly blurred, it hit the cockpit directly. It blew up the controls, and the small penguin driver jumped in a tiny UFO and fled. Before I blacked out, I saw Chriswell picking up some weird metal things and a scorched pamphlet. The metal things turned out to be molten cores, which we can use to make some kind of new crafting table or something. The pamphlet was "The Many Glorious Adventures of Dreadwing the Pirate," which we found quite interesting. We managed to escape the penguins by hopping on a tiny UFO and commandeering it out of the penguins base. Unfortunately, the penguins seem to be attempting to... colonize this planet. Tanks roll across the planet, knocking down trees and flattening land. Soldiers imprison any local people, taking them back to their base in shackles. I guess they haven't gotten to this part, though. Chriswell and I are standing on a large hill overlooking a quiet hut with a thatched roof. Outside, a few crops are growing. Oh crap, there's some tanks approaching it. A bunch of soldiers are knocking on the door. Shit, they just busted it down. They seem really angry. They've just exited the house with and elderly Floran man. The penguins are going back into the house and... torching it. Holy fuck. These are some intense little birds.

    Entry #34

    We kicked those bird's ass! Unfortunately, more are on the way. Anyway, here's what happened. Chriswell and I destroyed the penguins with bombs and rescued the Floran. He's pretty nice. The funny thing is that I think his wife was the crazy one who blew herself up. I don't know how to tell him. But right now, Chriswell's treating his wounds in the corner, and I don't want to disturb them. Maybe when we get to the ship. That way, if he explodes in a fit of rage, we'll be able to send him out the airlock.

    Entry #35

    The penguins sent an army after us. Literally. We're running back over the mountain and we hear, like a bunch of explosions. We turn around and see a swarm of penguins, all equipped with armor and weapons. I swear, it's like we're public enemies number one and two with these guys. We managed to escape with the Floran, whose name is Killchaser. We're almost to the beam up. I'll be back when we get to the ship. Bye.

    Entry #36

    The penguins are pretty much everywhere, which is weird because we're in the middle of a desert. Killchaser says that they tried to colonize several years ago, but the local Avian militia managed to force them out. He also says that we have reason to believe that they have inhabited the other planets in this system, and possibly any neighboring stars. That means we can't really go anywhere for the time being. Fortunately, there's good news! Killchaser is a chef! When we get back to the ship and rest a little, he said he'd make a feast! Yaaaaaaay! Anyway, we're at the ship now. See ya.

    Entry #37

    Killchaser's idea of a feast is actually several cooked Hylotl and an assortment of meats and vegetables. While I am curious as to where he got all of these Hylotls, it was pretty good. The ship smells like bananacon, which he made for us too. It's great; we get to go to bed on full stomachs and have enough energy to actually do things. Anyway, other than all of this great food, there's not much to report. We're making plans to travel to a neighboring planet with what little fuel Chriswell has. It's a small arid planet that looks relatively safe. Anyway, I have to sleep now. Goodnight.

    Entry #38

    It's been almost a day since we left home, and already I'm bored. There's nothing to do except play cards and eat and sleep! I've been fooling around with the ship's controls, reorganizing the ship locker, and just getting in everybody's way. Anyway, when anything actually happens I'll be back. Bye.

    Entry #39

    It's been a few days, and we finally made it to the planet! Killchaser, Chriswell and I beamed down and looked around. Unfortunately, there wasn't much. Just some dirt and a few thorny trees. We dug around a bit and found some iron, some coal, and some gold. Then we found a chest. It had a few hundred pixels in it, as well as a cool dagger, some copper, some whiskey, and a harmonica. There were a few monsters that looked like cat-human hybrids, but we killed them fairly quickly. There was also a cave, but that was flooded and slimy, so nobody wanted to go in there. I've been playing the harmonica quite a bit, which I think is getting on Chriswell's nerves. Oh well. I can almost play half of "Jingle Bells!" Anyway, it's almost nighttime. We found a few abandoned tents and a garbage-can fire, so we're gonna camp out tonight. Yay camping! Well, gotta go. Bye for now.

    Entry #40

    Camping isn't actually that great. It's cold and there are too many monsters. Also, every two hours someone has to stay awake and guard the camp. Fortunately, we made smores, and Killchaser remembered to bring plenty of coffee. It pays to have a chef. Also a harmonica. Anyway, I have to go back to sleep now. Bye.

    Entry #41


    Entry #42

    Good news! We're alive! We mad it through the night! We found another cave. It actually seems like more of a really long tunnel that goes straight down, but I bet it's filled with lots of cool stuff. Chriswell's giving us all supplies. Basically a bunch of flares and ropes. I think the cave's made out of stone, so it'll be easier to climb. Anyway, we're about to start. Bye!

    Entry #43

    Well, we made it to the bottom, but there's not much to see. Just a bunch of weird plant things. Chriswell's seeing if he can dig any further, but I think we're just gonna end up climbing back up. Kinda disappointing. Anyway, see y- AAAAAH!

    Entry #44

    Oh crap. Ooooh, crap. Somehow, when Chriswell was digging, the plant stuff collapsed and we all fell into this giant underground lake. But that's not the weird part; the cave is surrounded by torches made of skulls. SKULLS! We swam to the nearest shore, which is a under a small overhang in the rocks, and we're trying to dry off. On the other side of the lake seems to be some sort of tunnel, which seems to be the only way out. The ceiling of the cave is pretty high up, so I doubt we'll be able to climb all the way up there. Anyway, I think we're gonna try and swim to the other side. Chriswell just pointed out that it's pointless to try and dry off when we're about to get soaked again. Bye.

    Entry #45

    Well, we made it to the other side of the lake. We're about to go into this weird tunnel. It's kinda dark, so it helps that we have flashlights. There's not really much to see. Just a bunch of dirt and weird plants and vines. The floor is getting pretty weird too; it feels crumbly and unstable. I hope we find our way out soon.

    Entry #46

    So we figured out why the floor is all crunchy. IT'S COVERED WITH BONES. I mean, how the hell did all of these bones end up down here? It's creepy. I don't like it. Anyway, there's a light flickering up ahead. I'll let you know what happens. Bye.

    Entry #47

    Well, we found another skull-torch. And Chriswell almost fell into a hole full of poison. Killchaser and I think we should turn back, but Chriswell doesn't want to. Killchaser says that these are Floran hunting grounds, and that though he's never been in one, he knows what kinds of traps there are. Usually nobody makes it out alive. The only possible way out would be through a small teleporter that the Hunters use to leave the hunting grounds occasionally. So, things aren't looking too good. Well, I have to go. See ya later.

    Entry #48

    We just ran into our first group of Hunters. They're pretty cool looking. They somehow manage to squeeze the skulls of other races onto their heads, which I find quite interesting. The also have cool (if somewhat poorly made) masks. I managed to take one, but it was covered in blood, so I left it. We also found a nice little camp with a tent and some skeletons around it. We rested there for a little bit before continuing. Other than that, I must say I'm slightly disappointed. Where are all of the sick Floran Hunters? Where are the cool traps? All I see are piles of bones, which are really starting to freak me out. Well, that's all for now. Bye.

    Entry #49

    We just found our first cool trap! We were walking along when out of nowhere we hear a loud gurgling sound. Turns out, I stepped on a pressure plate that released a flood of poison! Aside from the initial terror, everybody's fine. I just hope- oh crap, Hunters. Gotta go.

    Entry #50

    Apparently the Florans have guns! They only shoot thorns, so nothing lethal, but it hurts. Anyway, nothing new to report. I found a riot-shield and some pearlpeas. Oh hey. We just reached a door made out of vines. Wish me luck.

    Entry #51

    *loud yells and primitive battle cries*

    Entry #52

    HOLY CRAP. When we walked in, we saw a huge stone room where a bunch of Florans were battling an enormous monster. When they saw us, they stared cheering. It was one helluva fight, but in the end we survived. Killchaser's hurt though. We tried to bandage up his leg, but he's limping pretty badly. I dunno what's gonna happen next. I have a strange, nagging feeling that we're lost. Ah, crap. Well, I think we're gonna stop here. There's a few sleeping bags and some crates which should provide enough shelter for the night. Anyway, see ya in the morning. Bye.

    Entry #53

    I really wish I had some bananacon right now. All we have to eat are carrots. I don't even know why we have so many carrots. We found some growing, but that wasn't very much. Ah well. Carrots are ok. On the bright side, I've had lots of time to practice my harmonica. The only downside is that it attracted birds. Why the hell are there birds down here?! Anyway, we're about to get moving. Bye for now.

    Entry #54

    We ran into some more Hunters. Killchaser's leg has gotten better, but he still needs a crutch. We gave him some more bandages and a stim we found on a Hunter. Another interesting thing we found was a large cave full of the same type of monster. When we shined a torch in, they all ran towards us, and Chriswell and I had to carry Killchaser to safety. We're nearing what appears to be another coliseum thing. Wish me luck. See ya later. Maybe.

    Entry #55

    I guess we have no choice but to go into the coliseum. The door is weird. It's two thick vines clamped together. I don't know how to open it. Maybe if I punch it- hey, that worked! Oh wait- crap.

    Entry #56

    The coliseum is huge. There are two towering rows of bleachers where cheering Florans sit, watching a lone gladiator fight an enormous... dragon. It doesn't even look like a normal dragon; it looks more like an enormous fossil. I guess you could call it a skeleton dragon. Or a bone dragon. I don't know. I'm not sure how that makes sense. It has wings made of bone. How does it even fly? I don't know what we're gonna do. The vine door closed behind us, and punching it isn't working anymore. Ah crap. The gladiator's dead. His helmet... Chriswell picked it up. Its pretty cool, actually. A brass helmet with red plumage sticking out from the top. But anyway, back to the important stuff. The dragon hasn't noticed us yet. Chriswell's working on the do- hey! No-

    Entry #57

    Three armed Hunters just dragged us into the middle of the coliseum. The bone dragon is noticing us. The Hunters just went into a weird trap door in the floor. I'm tempted to follow them, but that doesn't seem like a wise idea. The Florans in the stands are cheering. The dragon is growling. Ah crap. Well, we're screwed. Bye.

    Entry #58

    Here we go again. Killchaser's standing towards the side shooting a pistol and Chriswell and I are attacking the beast. Gotta go.

    Entry #59

    Ah, damnit! The dragon can breath fire! Crap. OK. I'm gonna just- AAH- *end of transmission*

    Entry #60

    The dragon ate me. I'm alive, but I'm trapped in its mouth. How the hell does this even happen? I'm trapped in the mouth of a fucking skeleton dragon! What?! Ah, dammit. It's swallowing me. Well, gotta go.

    Entry #61

    Holy crap. I'm choking a dragon. It tries to swallow me and I pulled out my hammer and managed to pull out my hammer and catch myself in it's throat somehow. Anyway, I'M CHOKING A GODDAMN DRAGON! HOW COOL IS- uh oh. It's getting warm in here. Shit.

    Entry #62

    Aah, god! I'm stuck in its throat! I guess I'm gonna have to leave my hammer behind. Ah crap. Gotta go.

    Entry #63

    Woah. I just landed in the stomach of a bone dragon. Well, not really landed. I just fell between the bones. But I think I did some minor damage in there. Wait- oh crap! It's flying! And there's the fire! Aaah! I honestly don't know how I'm still alive. Wait, I see my hammer! Gotta go.

    Entry #64

    Got my hammer back. Things aren't looking good. Gotta go.

    Entry #65

    Chriswell injured the dragon. The Florans are booing us and throwing things. If the dragon doesn't kill us, the Florans will- OH SHIT. The dragon just dove at Killchaser! What do I do? Aah crap!

    Entry #66

    Well, there goes my hammer. It was for a good cause. I threw it at the dragon, stunning it. Chriswell just threw a bomb at its eye, and it rolled inside its skull. That's actually pretty cool. The dragon is trying to fly away, so Chriswell threw a rope at it and- holy crap! The dragon's skull just exploded! It's falling! AAAH!

    Entry #67

    We just killed a dragon. A flying skeleton demon dragon. Man, I feel like such a badass right now. It'd be great if I could get us out of here though. The Florans are really angry. The guards are coming. Chriswell just tossed me a grenade. I should probably throw it at the door. *BOOM*

    Entry #68

    OK, we're out of there. I think we'll be fine. I can smell smoke in the distance. Uh oh.

    Entry #69

    We found another survivor! Her name is Cloudfeather. She's an Avian with blue plumage and a large rocket launcher. It shoots giant poison explosives. When they explode, they spray poison everywhere. Pretty cool. Also she has an extra tent! She agreed to let us stay here until Killchaser's leg heals.

    Entry #70

    Cloudfeather didn't know about the exit teleporter. We told her about it while eating some kind of jerky she made. She agreed to come with us. She also says that she almost knows all of the traps set up across the Hunting Grounds and how to safely disarm them. I'm assuming that means blowing them up with her rocket launcher, but hey. It probably works.

    Entry #71

    It's been about three days. Killchaser's leg is pretty much healed, but our supplies are almost depleted. I'm hungry. All I've had to eat is goddamn jerky. Anyway, Killchaser can walk. In the three cold days I've spent sitting in my tent, I've had time to reflect on my life. Yesterday, I realized something. After everything I've been through, I just realized that I've handled these kinda of situations better than I used to. Before, I panicked and started screaming "HOLY SHIT!" and stuff like that. Now, I keep a calm tone of voice and say stuff like, "Ah, were screwed." I've gone from annoying panickyness to slightly less-annoying pessimism. I'd say that's taking a step in the right direction.

    Entry #72

    Well, today we said goodbye to Cloudfeather's camp and continued onwards. It's pretty spooky down here. We found a weird tunnel. Hey, a ladder! It goes into the ceiling... Let's see... There's another ladder going down... A treasure chest! Well what do you know? Our hard work is finally being rewarded. Hold on, let me open this...

    Entry #73

    Huh... it's empty. Damn. I was all excited- hey, what's that noise? Oh shit RUUUN! *transmission ended*

    Entry #74

    It's a goddamn trap! I opened the chest and the ceiling caved in and poison is flooding the cave! Chriswell and I got separated from Killchaser and Cliudfeather's and we made it to a platform with another chest. I'm not sure if we should open it. Well, the poison's rising pretty quickly. I guess we've got nothing to lose. YOLO, right? Alright, here we go. Oh hey. A cool shirt. No poison. Alright. Now... How are we gonna get back?

    Entry #75

    Chriswell had an OK idea. He tried to blow up the floor so the poison would drain out. It worked, but poison sprayed everywhere, and now there's a bunch of angry Florans shooting at us from in the hole. OK, I gotta go. We're climbing over the hole.

    Entry #76

    We made it! We met up with the others in the weird ladder room. They made it out fine. We found another weird door. It's made out of vines. OK, there's just another hallway, but it has some weird sticky stuff everywhere. It's almost... Oh god, no. Spiders.

    Entry #77

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah fuck. There's a HUGE spider at the end of the hallway. It just killed a Hunter. Holy shit that's huge. Oh god. No. Damnit. Everybody wants to fight it. Shit. Gotta go. I probably won't make it. Man, this is the worst way to die.

    Entry #78

    I think Florans have a thing for giant, skeletal creatures. The spider is huge and, like the dragon, is covered is bone. Its more of a shell made out of bone covering soft, pink flesh. Killchaser thinks it's pregnant and that we shouldn't fight it but try and escape. I couldn't agree more. We need to get out of here. This spider is coming towards us... Oh shit! RUN!

    Entry #79

    I was the only one who fucking ran. And guess what? I ran into a locked door out of all the doors in the entire hunting grounds, this one had to be locked. I bet the teleporters on the other side of that. Anyway, I should probably go back to help them. Here we go.

    Entry #80

    Chriswell thought it would be a good idea to climb up the wall using the spider webs. I'm not sure what goes on in his head sometimes. I should learn not to be surprised by his actions anymore. The spider doesn't notice him yet. It's too occupied with Killchaser and Cloudfeather. Well, im not sure how i should help them. They seem to have it under contro- Oh shit. It was pregnant. Great. Now I have to fight giant baby spider. Oh god, that's nasty. The spider's... Spewing out the babies like some kind of sick geyser. Damn it. Now I have to kill those things.

    Entry #81

    Well, now I'm protecting everyone from hordes of giant baby spiders. Yaaaay. They're not even dangerous. The don't have mouths. I'm not complaining, though. I don't want to have to fight the giant spider. Alright, I gotta concentrate on fighting. Bye.

    Entry #82

    Aah, goddamn baby spiders are so annoying! Instead of attacking me, they just jump over me! How the hell do I fight them now?! Woah! Hey! Get back here ya

    Iittle- *transmission ended*

    Entry #83

    They hit the damn spider one too many times. I think it's falling on us... Shit. Run!

    Entry #84

    The spider fell and destroyed the floor, so now we have a way out. Theres a long tunnel going up underneath the spider room. If you ask me, if I found a giant spider in the wilderness, I wouldn't capture it and have people fight it. I would blow it up. Anyway, this is a long tunnel. We must be really deep underground. Anyway, after that spider encounter, all I wanna do for a while is sit on the ship and sleep. If Cloudfeather comes with us, I'm gonna need a bigger ship. I'll worry about that later.

    Entry #85

    We finally reached the surface! Well, sort of. It's more of a giant canopy of plants completely surrounding us. Chriswell informs me that this is called a tunnel. Smart-ass. Anyway, all that really matters is that we finally found (drum roll please) the teleporter! Yaay! Huh. I thought there would at least be some guards here. Oh well. I'm not complaining. Wait a minute... Why is the wall moving?

    Entry #86

    There were only a few Florans hiding in the walls, but we accidentally set fire to the tunnel of plants. That killed them. It was pretty cool watching the entire tunnel of plants erupt in flames. Well, were back at the ship. Cloudfeather, having nowhere else to go, decided to stay with us. This complicates the sleeping arrangements. Before, we had two beds and a sleeping bag that I brought with me. That was perfect; three beds, three people. Now there are four people, and wd we don't have enough supplies to make another bed. Crap. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the floor tonight.

    Entry #87

    In case you were wondering, I didn't actually sleep on the floor. I ended up falling asleep in the cockpit chair. Cloudfeather had some oil she had found before she got lost in the Hunting Grounds, so we're travelling to a small asteroid belt. That's the nearest planet like thing, anyway. We're hoping to find some fuel there. Otherwise, we'll be stranded in space. Not good.

    Entry #88

    Chriswell and I are putting on some nanosuits. We only have two, and Killchaser's leg isn't fully healed, so Chriswell and I volunteered. Cloudfeather's gonna stay behind to take care of him for now. We're about to leave. See ya later.

    Entry #89

    Well, the asteroids were a smart desicion in terms of fuel. There's coal everywhere. It won't get us out of this star system, but at least we can fly to other planets. Anyway, were just just jumping from asteroid to astroid mining. Not much to report. Bye.

    Entry #90

    After an hour of searching through boring rocks, we finally found something interesting. I don't know what it is, but there's something purple glowing on a rock in the distance. Kind of excited... Sort of... I just hope it isn't a Floran cave. I'm sick of Florans (no offense Killchaser). We're heading towards it now. Gotta go.

    Entry #91

    I'm honestly not sure what we found. It's a weird teleporter-like object with a bunch of weird controls that we can't figure out. It keeps mention something about "Mysteerious Ancient Ruins" or something. I don't know. I want to know what it does, but I don't want to get killed. Damn it.

    Entry #92

    Still can't figure it out. We're heading back to the ship to consult with Cloudfeather and Killchaser. Maybe they'll know something. In the meantime, I've been trying to pick up my haiku-writing efforts. Here's what I came up with:

    Glowing purple thing

    You are really super cool

    What is your function

    I'm clearly a little rusty. Well, we're beaming up. See ya.

    Entry #93

    Cloudfeather and Killchaser both think that the purple thing is worth investigating. We're gonna get some sleep and go back there in the morning. Goodnight.

    Entry #94

    We're headed down. I wish we could've waited. I'm sore from sleeping in a god damn chair all night and hungry. We wasted all of our food having a great when we first rescued Killchaser. Alright, we're beaming down now. Bye.

    Entry #95

    When you know what your looking for, navigating the asteroids can be pretty fun. In zero gravity, you jump really high, making it easy to hop from rock to rock. Anyway, we think we figured out the purple thing. Chriswell's turning it on... And... It's workin-! *BYOOP*

    Entry #96

    Turns out that thing was a goddamn teleporter. And it teleported us to a giant building. At first glance the building looks like a nice little outpost, but I saw right through that b.s. This place is actually a prison. None of the "refugees" are allowed to leave. There are murderers, con men, thieves, and a just a bunch of criminals. There was also some shady guy trying to sell me "ship upgrades" (viruses). I tried to tell Chriswell, but he actually went and bought food from them. Anyway, were going back to drop off the supplies we got and tell the others about this horrible trap. Bye.

    Entry #97

    Nobody else sees the dark secrets of the "Outpost." But I have more evidence! Today, someone told me that they were from a Human prison. They then asked me for fireworks. Why the hell would anyone give an escaped prisoner explosives?! And then there was this creepy guy who tried to sell us an AI for our ship. He called it a "S.A.I.L." I'm pretty sure that that's the equivalent of malware. The last straw was the little potted trees they have everywhere. Upon further inspection, I discovered the horrible truth: the trees aren't real. They're fake! Anyway, I think we're leaving. This place is creepy.

    Entry #98

    Well, we screwed up. Chriswell got into a fight with a Novakid who runs a convenience store, and now we're all wanted fugitives. This might also be because I tried giving fireworks to the prisoner. He gave me 10,000 pixels! What was I supposed to do? Say no? We're hiding in a cave a few hundred yards away from the Outpost. Hey, what's this? Hold on, I gotta go. I think I found a tunnel.

    Entry #99

    Turns out it was a tunnel. it led all the way down to the bottom of the asteroid thing. We're not the only ones down here running from the law. There's was another guy too. He had on a cool mask. We accidentally... uh... killed him, I guess. We threw him off of the asteroid that the Outpost is on. It was in self defense, though. He tried to shoot us. And technically, it was all Cloudfeather's fault. She tackled him to the ground, and he just rolled off. But we did get his mask, which is nice. And a cool place to stay. He has a little room down here. We're gonna lay low for a few day and then go back up and assess the situation. Not much to report otherwise.

    Entry #100

    I really fucked up. When I gave that ex-con those fireworks, I didn't think he'd take it this far. He blew up an entire section of the fucking Outpost. Ah, crap. There are still guards. Looks like they're evacuating people. Man, what the hell happened? There are corpses everywhere. These guys have bullet wounds. Was there a gunfight? There's so much rubble. I don't think this could've all been from those fireworks. I just gave him three. Oh shit. What the fuck have I done?

    Entry #101

    Remember the creepy guy who tried to sell me an AI for my ship? Well, it turns out he was an intergalactic gangster wanted by the U.S.C.M. When they found him here, he blew the place up and started shooting everybody. I figured this out by stealing a report from a dead soldier and by making a few educated guesses. They got him, and they're putting him in a prisoner ship. They're taking off... Wait a minute. The teleporter was destroyed. How are we gonna get out of here?!

    Entry #102

    Cloudfeather had an idea. We all jumped on the the side of the prison ship as it was taking off. Then Cloudfeather broke through the airlock. We got inside, sealed up the airlock door with duct tape, and tried to take control of the ship. It didn't work. They just pulled out a bunch of submachine guns and riot shields n' stuff and threw us in a goddamn prison. Fortunately, I have a plan. Remember way, way, waaaaay back when I first started recording these entries? Well, I swiped a matter manipulator from one of the guards. I just figured out that it comes not only with a drill, but it has a spray-paint canister and a wiring tool. Chriswell's taking a look at the wiring tool. He thinks he can rewire the door to a homemade light switch. I hope this works.

    Entry #103

    We accidentally shut off the engine. This was a complete accident, and it was all Chriswell's fault. Somehow we managed to break open the panelling in the back of our cell and he messed with the wiring so that now we're stranded in deep space until the USCM manages to contact an intergalactic towing service. I'm pretty sure there isn't actually such thing as an intergalactic towing service, but you never know.

    Entry #104

    Turns out there is an intergalactic towing service, but they don't come this far into unpopulated space. I overheard the guards talking about it. I also overheard them talking about how they're going to release our cell into space and use the momentum to push themselves to a nearby asteroid. There they can dock and call for help.

    If you hadn't already guessed, we're not pleased with that plan.

    But thanks to our wiring tool, we have the power to screw around with the ship as much as we want! Yaay!

    Entry #105

    We're now stranded in complete darkness. Cloudfeather wanted to try the wiring tool, and she managed to kill the ship's A.I, turn out the lights, and disable the fridge. Not that not having a fridge affects us prisoners, anyway. But the whole darkness situation sucks. We've agreed not to mess around with the wiring anymore (until we figure out how to use it). Well, I'm bored, so I guess I'll just go back to playing my harmonica, which the soldiers didn't take away. I'm not sure why they thought that was a good idea, but I'm happy with it.

    Entry #106

    I think they might launch us into space. As cruel as it sounds, they might actually do it. Despite what I said in the last entry, Chriswell's been fiddling with the wiring again. We've got nothing to lose, right? Right?

    Entry #107

    We did have something to lose. The ship. Chriswell fixed the wires, and the FTL drive activated, and the ship smashed itself into the asteroid. Fortunately for us, they actually did launch us into space just moments before the crash. So we just lightly slammed into the asteroid.

    Entry #108

    Thank Kluex for nano-suits. Otherwise, we would've all popped like grapes. Of course, we're still stuck in a cage on an astroid hurtling through space, but it beats being exploded. Anyway, we're just trying to figure a way out of this box. Bye!

    Entry #109

    Did I mention I was claustrophobic? Well, I'm not. But I don't like being stuck in a dark, tiny box with three other people. It's unpleasant, to say the least. Anyway, we managed to find a small ventilation duct that should lead outside. Cloudfeather's trying to kick it in, but we might not be out for a while. Assuming we can fit through the hole, we're still trapped on a barren rock hurtling through space.

    Entry #110

    We made it out! But, as I said before, we're still trapped on a barren rock hurtling through space. It's fairly small. Maybe the size of a house. We found the wreckage of the prison ship. Unfortunately, everybody on board is dead. We did find some of our weapons, as well as some USCM machine guns. That's always nice.

    There's also a flash drive that was just lying in the wreckage. It had a label on it, but the label is covered in ash. I found it in the jacket of the ex-con from the Outpost. I'm not sure if it's important, but I'm gonna hold on to it. These kind of things are cool to have.

    Among the other things we found are an old radio, a large, durasteel dish, some random pieces of wood, and a chocolate bar. Chriswell and Cloudfeather are gonna try and make a distress beacon, and Killchaser and I are gonna eat the chocolate. See ya later.

    Entry #111

    The distress beacon is almost finished. I'm kinda worried that it either won't work or some crazy person will show up. I'm not sure which is worse. Anyway, the chocolate was good. Just in case you were wondering.

    Entry #112

    It worked! We sent out our coordinates and a small distress message thing. Something's bound to show up, right? Right?

    Entry #113

    It's been two hours, but we can see something in the distance! It looks kinda familiar... pretty slim, black, red lights... wait a minute...


    Entry #114

    We're screwed. Chriswell recognized it too. We told the others, and they agree that we're screwed. Once you piss Dreadwing off once, he won't hold back the second time.

    Entry #115

    I can picture Dreadwing sitting in his UFO thing rubbing his hands together plotting how to kill us. I bet he's already got his death-lasers prepared. I mean, all we can really do is wait. Oh well. We have our weapons aimed at him constantly, but I don't know how effective they'll be in space. Well, he's almost here. We're fucked.

    Entry #116

    He obviously remembers us. He opened fire as soon as he was in firing range. We're hiding behind a rock, but he's hitting us pretty hard. Apparently bullets do work in space though, so that's always nice. Killchaser came up with a plan. We still have a lot of rope, so we're each gonna take a bunch of it and charge the ship. With luck, we'll be able to breach the cockpit and hijack the controls. That is, if we don't die first.

    Entry #117

    Alright, Chriswell just handed out the rope. One of us has to stay behind, because there isn't enough for four people. Chriswell, Cloudfeather and I are going to attack. Killchaser's just gonna cover us with one of the machine guns. Gotta go, we're about to attack.

    Entry #118

    *loud explosions and yelling*

    Entry #119

    Well, we made it past the turrets and on to his ship. Killchaser's been shooting at the cockpit, and so far it looks like there's no real damage. I got my hammer, and I'm almost at the window- wait, holy shit! What the fuck?! Guys, hold on! Killchaser, run- *transmission ended*

    Entry #120

    Dreadwing killed Killchaser and flew into space. God damn it. He just fucking killed him. He didn't even say some witty catchphrase like most supervillains do. He just blew up the fucking asteroid and flew away, with us still clinging to his ship. Now we're pretty far away from where the asteroid was, so even if Killchaser survived the blast, he'd still be stranded in the intergalactic equivalent of the middle of nowhere. Aaarrrghh, what the fuck did we just do?

    Entry #121

    I've been thinking this through, and I decided that the only way to stop Dreadwing is to go inside his ship and destroy him myself. So I came up with a plan that neither Cloudfeather or Chriswell would never approve of. But I have to avenge Killchaser. I have to honor his memory. And if I can hijack the ship, we might be able to find him. Or rather, what's left of him.

    Entry #122

    So, here's the plan. I slide down the side of the ship while holding on the the rope. When I reach the bottom, I build enough momentum to swing myself to the airlock. From there, I bash my way into the ship with my hammer, which is strapped to my back. If anything fails, I have a grenade that I can throw that will blow part of the ship to hell. Anyway, here we go.

    Entry #123

    This is harder than I thought it would be. Which is really saying something, because I thought this would be very hard. I reached the side of the ship, and it's really terrifying. Nothing around me for miles and miles except for distant stars and planets. If I slip, I'm stranded here until someone finds me or, more likely, I die. But hey. Dreadwing has killed too many people, and Killchaser will be the last. Here we go.

    Entry #124


    Entry #125

    Well that was terrifying. I made it, though, and that's what counts.

    I'm on a ledge underneath the airlock. It's sealed, but I'm working on it with the matter manipulator. I'll be inside in maybe three minutes at the most. In the meantime, I just have to concentrate on not falling to my death.

    Entry #126

    I'm in! Damn, I didn't think it would be that easy. The airlock just popped open after I messed with the wiring enough. Anyway, the inside of the UFO is more spacious than you would think. Everything's all sleek and modern looking. Dark impervium floors, red strip-lighting... basically your average supervillain lair.

    I'm trying to find Dreadwing, but it's hard. The damn penguin has, like, eight bathrooms. Maybe it's because he can't walk very fast, so he just uses whichever is the closest one.

    Shit, I think I found it. The door to the cockpit, I mean. It looks like a fucking blast shield. The hell am I supposed to do now? God damn it. I should've thought this through more.

    Entry #127

    I've been sitting here trying to break down the door with my matter manipulator, but it's not really working. At this rate, it'll take longer to break this door than it did to tunnel out of that Miniknog jail cell.

    Worst comes to worst, I'll just have to blast my way in. That plan might backfire horribly, but we all have to make sacrifices in the name of freedom.

    The hell am I talking about?! I probably wouldn't blow myself up just so I could kill a space pirate. I don't think I know anybody who would do that. Except for this one guy I used to work with. He kamikazed a Miniknog Destroyer. But he probably knew the rebels would build a ten foot tall statue made out of gold in his honor, so in the end he wasn't really that courageous. He was also pretty drunk, so that might've had something to do with it.

    Man, now I'm just rambling. I'm gonna explore the ship a little more. Maybe there's another way in.

    Entry #128

    I found Dreadwing's fucking armory! He's got a bunch of explosives and stuff that I could probably use to blow open the door without killing anybody. I took a bunch of other stuff to, just in case this thing goes wrong. Man, Dreadwing's gonna PAY!

    Entry #129

    I've set the explosive. It's got a remote detonator, which is good. I'm in one of his bathrooms, which far enough away that I should be able to survive the explosion. I just hope Chriswell and Cloudfeather aren't right above this thing. That'd be bad. Well, fuck it. I'm blowing this thing u- *BOOM*

    Entry #130

    Well, that went was a more satisfying result than I had anticipated. It turns out the bomb I put down only blew up the blast-shield door and the walls, so there was no way Chriswell and Cloudfeather could've gotten hurt because the outer layer of the ship survived.

    But anyway, I'm in! I did it! There's a long hallway, and- oh shit. Gotta go.

    Entry #131


    Entry #132

    Woah. I just killed a bunch of penguins. This is awful. I got Dreadwing tied up in the corner, but... Jesus, the entire floor is covered with penguin blood. It's fucking orange. Why the hell do penguins have orange blood?!

    Anyway, I managed to stop the ship. I hit the brakes really hard, and Dreadwing got some guy's kidney splashed on him. Oops.

    I opened a side panel on the ship's hull and Chriswell and Coudfeather are on their way up. We're gonna go find Killchaser.

    Entry #133

    There's nothing here. If Killchaser survived, he must have disappeared somehow. There's no sign of him anywhere within a 100 mile radius.

    Entry #134

    Killchaser's fucking gone. I just have to accept that. He was destroyed by Dreadwing, and there was nothing any of us could've done to save him without anti aircraft missiles. God damn it.

    Entry #135

    Shit. Things are just getting worse. None of us know how to fly this god damn flying saucer, and the controls are ridiculously small. It's like that movie where the guy goes to that place where everything's really small... You know? With the shipwreck? Aghh, I forget the name. Anyway, we're- wait, what the hell? What is that?! Oh sh-

    Entry #136

    What the fuck. I don't know what the hell just happened. God damn it.

    Entry #137

    We crashed the ship. When I say we, I actually mean we all crashed the ship! Sorry about that, I was jut making sure Cloudfeather heard me because she blames me.

    We crashed in a tree. I don't know how far we are off the ground or what's beneath us, but I'm looking right now and- oh shit. We crashed the ship in a Floran village.

    Entry #138

    Damn it. We crashed the ship on a giant tree above the Floran's market place, and now a crapload of angry Florans are screaming at us with spears in their hands. Damn, I thought this day was gonna be shit before, but this takes it to a whole new level. Fortunately it's almost night, and the Florans can't climb the tree (but neither can we, even with Chriswell's ropes). Were just gonna try and get a little sleep. Rotate guards, fight off hostile giant birds, make sure nobody rolls off of the giant tree, the usl stuff. Chriswell's taking the first watch. I'm going the hell to sleep. Good night.

    Entry #139

    Just woke up and I have good news and bad news. The good news is that Cloudfeather has one of those miniature toothpaste tubes for when you're traveling, so we all got to brush our teeth. The bad news is that while we were sleeping the Florans set our tree on fire. It seems pretty sturdy, so I don't think it'll fall, but unless we find a way down we're gonna be more toasted than the bagels we had for breakfast. Oh yeah, that's more good news; Chriswell had a bagel from when we were on my ship and we started a controlled fire and made bagels. He got half of it and Cloudfeather and I got quarters. Apparently because it was his, he got to eat half, which I think is bullshit, but right now I'm not gonna argue. We're in a giant tree that's on fire. What the hell.

    Entry #140

    Shiiiit. They sent a few guards up to the top because before this was a bonfire it was an apartment building, so it has staircases. Anyway, I don't know if they died in the fire or if they're still on their way up (it's a pretty tall tree. Like... 14 stories tall, maybe). Anyway, now we have angry plants AND fire to deal with. I think I finally understand the true meaning of the phrase "fml."

    Entry #141

    Only one of the Floran guards made it up, and he was singed to a crisp. He reminded me of this food I used to have... Roasted kale... Damn, that stuff was good. I'd kill for some of that right now. Which reminds me; the Florans are even more angry cause we shoved the burned guy off of the tree. He landed in the crowd on, like, the town cryer or something. I don't know. The fire's spreading rapidly. I don't know what we're gonna do. Shit.

    Entry #142

    Do Florans even have town criers?

    Entry #143

    How do you even spell that? Is it "crier" or "cryer"?

    Entry #144

    Remember a few minutes ago when I placed my trust in the sturdiness of this tree? Well, the tree just betrayed me, because I'm pretty sure those cracking sounds have something to do with the fact that the tree is leaning towards the right. Fortunately for us, there's another tree next to ours, so were gonna try jumping on that one when this one falls.

    Entry #145

    Its been fifteen minutes since the last entry, and the tree is tipping substantially. The fire is somewhere near the tenth floor. Things are pretty uneventful, so I thought I'd explain what this tree actually looks like. Basically, it's a giant, hollow tree. The leaves are large enough for several people to stand on, and they're sort of connected by vines and other vegetation that's grown up here. When our ship crashed, it landed on one of the larger leaves, which is what we slept on.

    I know this all sounds pretty far-fetched, but just trust me. The whole concept of "Florans" is pretty fucked up to begin with, so it makes sense that their villages are also weird. Anyway, were gonna try and jump on to the other tree. Adios.

    Entry #146

    Holy SHIT that was a bad idea. We made it onto the other tree, but... Actually, we made it IN to the other tree. We went right through the side, because the god damn wood was rotten. So now we're in a Florans apartment, but I guess they evacuated this building when our tree started falling. Which is fine by me. Jumping from tree to fucking tree is strenuous AND terrifying.

    Entry #147

    Ok, so we're in a Florans apartment, and I'm pretty sure we just found the Floran equivalent of Playboy magazine. But that's not the most important thing we found. After searching through his possessions, we discovered a small keychain buried in the depths of his closet. Cloudfeather thinks they're ship keys, but to me, they look more like those of a mech. We're debating whether or not the Floran just found these or actually owns a mech, which would help the shit out of our situation. We're gonna try and escape the apartment building and see if we can find any hidden mechs, so I'll let you know what happens.

    Entry #148

    It turns out that the Floran whose house we broke into was actually a guard, because he came in to the room with a spear and the armor that the guards wear (only it was gold instead of the typical wood and silver the the other guys had). We pinned him down and threw him out the window. But this discovery brings up an important question: do all of the guards have mechs? And why did the Florian have golden armor on? I'll probably find out later, but for now, we're trying to escape the building.

    Entry #149

    It would be really helpful if we had Killchaser here, because he's a Floran and... you know... was that racist? I think that might've been racist. Oops. Anyway, we made it to street level, and we only had to kill two people. We're heading towards some sort of temple or something, since probably everybody's out rioting and looking for us so chances are it'll be empty. I'll let you know how that goes later.

    Entry #150

    HHHHOOOOly shit so we walk into the temple thing and it's really dark, right? And all of a sudden we hear a baby crying, so we sneak into another room and there's a fucking priest standing over a baby died to a stone altar. I don't actually know what the fuck we're gonna do, since the priest has a knife and even if we saved the baby, the fuck are we gonna do with a Floran baby? We don't know how to raise a child, and I doubt anybody in this town is gonna listen to us if we go out there and say "Oh hey guys, we just found this baby about to be killed by a religious leader." Yeah, that'd go over really well.

    Fuck. Once again, I wish we had Killchas- shit, Cloudfeather tells me I need to be quiet or he'll see us. Gotta go.

    Entry #151

    This day literally couldn't get any worse. After telling me to be quiet, Cloudfeather runs out and tackles the priest. He hit some kind of lever, which opened up a trap door in the floor that they both fell through. Then somebody rang a bell or something, and all of the Florans are approaching the temple angrily. And on top of that, Chriswell and I have a fucking baby we have to save. Shiiit.

    Entry #152


    Entry #153

    Fuck. They got Cloudfeather. There was nothing we could do... They dove into the pit... We just grabbed the baby and ran... WAIT CHRISWELL! LOOK OU- *transmission ended*

    Initializing Codex Journal™ startup...
    Battery: 53%
    Retrieving data...
    File type: Audio
    Storage left: 78%
    Date: 2/17/88

    Entry #1

    I don’t know if anybody’s gonna hear this, but if you do, my name is Bustow Guerrilla… uh, my ship is almost out of fuel… I don’t have that much food… I’m wanted by the Miniknog for several dozen crimes… and also I accidentally just burned down half of a Miniknog colony. Long story, and if you’re still listening, I’ll probably tell it later. If I’m still alive. For now, I’m just gonna use this… thing… as a journal. Just to keep myself from going insane as I slowly drift through the vast emptiness of space and shit like that.

    Well, I’m honestly pretty tired, since I just collapsed a Miniknog prison and liberated 35 wanted rebel prisoners- also a long story, which I don’t have time for at the moment. I’m gonna sleep on this bench I got over here, and then find a planet or something I can land my ship on.

    Entry #2

    Well, I’m fairly well rested, and guess what I just found in my ship’s locker, buried under a few cans of food? A filled capture pod! HELL yes! I’m not gonna open it right away, since it might try and kill me, so I’m moving most of my stuff into the ship’s cockpit. That way, if I open it and whatever’s inside tries to eat me, I can just lock myself in there until we land. It’s like that old Human book… “Life of Pi,” I think it was called. About this kid who got trapped on a boat with a tiger.

    Anyway, I’m gonna open this thing. Wish me luck.

    Entry #3

    I haven’t opened the capture pod yet, but I just thought of something; who the fuck leaves an animal in a tiny ball inside a ship locker? I mean, the ship is barely furnished or stocked with supplies, so clearly nobody uses it… which means whoever had this ship last clearly intended to abandon this creature. Which also means that it could be a violent, insane, volatile… thing, you know? It might be dangerous.

    You know what? I’m bored. I found a planet a few minutes ago and put the ship on autopilot, but there’s still like four hours remaining, since I don’t have enough fuel for FTL. So I’m gonna open it. If it tries to kill me, I have a plan, right? Here we go.

    Entry #4

    *loud noises are audible in the background* Weeeelllll, that was a mistake. I don’t know if the creature was dangerous or if it was just excited to be out of it’s capture pod, but it went insane. It didn’t try to attack me, it just started flailing around everywhere. I’m in the cockpit, and I don’t know if you can hear it but in the background, the animal is smashing itself repeatedly against the door. I think I might go out there if it settles down and offer it some canned meatballs. After my time in a Miniknog prison, I think I’ve had enough meat for my lifetime.

    What I was implying there was that they fed me Apex meat… among other things. Fuck, why am I talking about this?

    I need something to take my mind off of how bored I am. Which reminds me, I said earlier that I’d tell the story of how I desecrated an entire Miniknog colony. So I guess now’s a better time than ever.

    Entry #5

    I’ve been a rebel against the Miniknog since I was a little kid. My first offense was shooting spitballs at a security camera and covering the lens, which didn’t go over well with the guards. Later I progressed into bigger things, such as directly attacking Miniknog officers and vandalising Big Ape propaganda. Eventually I joined the official rebel forces, which is how I ended up in jail.

    It was a dark afternoon, and me and a small squad of rebels were going to try to destroy one of the Miniknog laboratories shield generators, and then blow a hole in the wall. It didn’t go too well, especially when the shield generator malfunctioned and paralyzed one of our allies before blowing up. It alerted tons of guards and scientists, and also it started, like, twenty fires. My squad- or rather, the surviving members of my squad- tried to fight our way out. But in the end, plasma rifles really can't do that much against an armored hoverbike. At this point there were five of us left. Two surrendered, while the other three ran. I was one of the ones that ran. I made it a few blocks before I had to hole up in a small civilian-owned convenience stores (one of the few places the Miniknog didn't have any security cameras in). I quickly explained the situation to the shop owner, who was pretty nice about the whole thing. He gave me a tool- a matter manipulator, he said it was called- and told me to hide it. If I lived to see the inside of a prison, it would be pretty useful.

    I did live to see the inside of prison. There was a fairly long fire fight between me and several dozens armed soldiers (I took down about 12, but there were still countless left). Finally, after they threatened to firebomb the store, I surrendered. They firebombed the fucking store anyway, but it was nothing compared to the damage I did. Accidentally, of course.

    Entry #6

    The prison was pretty boring. I was placed in a small, concrete cell with no cellmates. I spent 12 hours a day doing manual labor, and 12 hours in my cell. It was during these hours spent in the cell that I began chiselling away at the wall with the matter manipulator. It took 102 hours of constant work, but I finally made a tunnel large enough to fit through.

    I didn't realize that the building's foundation was fairly unstable, and that putting a giant hole in it didn't help the situation at all. So when the wall collapsed, and 35 notorious criminals stormed the flimsy chain link fence around the perimeter of the jail, I was just as surprised as the guards. Only not really, since most of the guards were dead at that point.

    While most of the prisoners stormed through the prison, a few of us went to find a way off-planet; I hopped into a Miniknog Destroyer, which I had no idea how to pilot. It turns out that the acceleration button and the button that releases the hydrogen bombs are VERY similar. Fortunately, the bomb detonated far away enough so that I wasn't affected. But half of the Colony was. So ditched that ship, which self destructed 2 minutes later, and hijacked the surveillance cruiser I'm on right now.

    And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I managed to completely fuck myself in the ass with a cactus.

    Entry #7

    I think “fuck me in the ass with a cactus” might be my new catchphrase. But anyway, I've just been killing some time carving my name into the wall of this spaceship, which in hindsight is a terrible idea, but hey; we're almost arriving at the planet, and I’d rather be carving into the walls of this ship than my wrists.

    The thing outside seems to have calmed down, so I'm gonna check that out as well. Wish me luck.

    Entry #8

    The creature is actually pretty cute. He's orange… Has fairly smooth, hairless skin… Tiny black eyes… And also a weird floppy horn thing on his forehead.

    I'm naming him Unicorn.

    He seems to like me, especially after I gave him some canned meatballs and he curled right on top of me in the recliner that serves as the pilot seat. Why the fuck anybody would put a recliner in a miniknog cruiser is beyond my comprehension. Maybe the pilot seat was broken or some shit and they were gonna repair it.

    Anyway, I'm about to beam down. I'm bringing Unicorn with me. Gotta go.

    Entry #9

    Damn. What a depressing place this is. When I told the SAIL to find a habitable planet, I assumed it'd find one that wouldn't increase my suicidal tendencies. I was wrong. This place is literally a desert. I'm not sure what the hell I'm supposed to do here. My ship's out of fuel, I have limited food and water, and I'm surrounded by a shitload of sand in very direction. I suppose I could beam back up and scan the planet for any signs of life, then beam back down again, but that would take a veeerrry long time.

    Eh, fuck it. That's what I'm gonna do. See ya later. Hopefully surrounded by water and food.

    Entry #10

    For some reason, my teleporter’s not working. Or rather, it only works when I’m standing in the spot where I originally beamed down. Which makes it impossible to travel to another part of the planet in my ship.

    So Unicorn and I are just taking a stroll through miles and miles of sand. I marked the original beam down spot with a small stick I found. I tied a small shred of fabric to it to make a flag. It’s kinda cool. We haven’t gone very far, and I can still see it in the distance.

    This planet’s really boring. So far, the only interesting thing is that it has three moons, and even that isn’t anything specia-Wait, what was that? Hold on one sec. The grounds rumblin- oh shit! It’s collapsing! The ground’s collapsing!


    Entry #12

    Aaahh shit. I guess this planet's been deserted for a really long time, because an enormous chunk of sand just caved in or something. I'm ok though. Unicorn is too. I don't know how we're gonna get out, but I'll figure something out. Or maybe I won't and I'll end up eating unicorn to survive. But I don't think it'll come to that.

    Entry #13

    The good news is that it's gonna be pretty easy to get out of the sand hole. The bad news is that it’s probably gonna take a reeeaallllly long time.

    I don't think I focused on the good news for long enough, so let's get right into that. Basically, the sand is loose enough that it's easy to climb up, however it's not too loose, so it's easy to tunnel through as well. I tested it out and made it out halfway there before coming back for Unicorn. I don't know how I'm gonna get him up there.

    Actually, I take that back. I just started digging a tunnel upwards with the matter manipulator and so far were making good progress. I gotta go, I'll check back when we're near the top.

    Entry #14

    It was slow going, but I think we’re almost out of the hole. I swear, I don’t care if I starve to death in my ship, but I’m never beaming down to this planet again. This is literal hell- oh shiiiiit! Daylight! FUCK yes!

    Shit, I never thought I’d be this happy to see sunlight- especially not in the middle of a desert- but I’M REALLY FUCKING HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

    Alright, we’re heading back to the flag- hold up, what the hell? There’s some people standing around my flag. Shit, I’m gonna lay low and watch these guys. I don’t like the looks of them.

    Entry #15

    I’m not sure, but I think me and Unicorn over here were spotted. The guys checking out my flag were pretty weird. Dressed in purple robes and shit. I don’t know who wears robes in the middle of the desert, but I’m not gonna go ask them, since I don’t know if they’re armed. But if given the chance, I would definitely try to find out- shit, what the fuc- aaah! Fuck! *signal temporarily terminated*

    Entry #16

    Alright… they got me… Humans, by the looks of it. They got me and Unicorn trapped in a pretty big cage, and they’re taking us somewhere in the back of a wagon being pulled by some type of ox. It doesn’t look native to this planet, but then again, I don't think there's much life here to begin with.

    Anyway, we're nearing some sort of weird, castle-like structure. There's some cool purple flags hanging above the doors, but I don't recognize thy symbol. It matches the one on the back of these dudes robes. *CRACK* Alright, they just snapped the whip, which I assume means they want me to quiet down. So that's what imma do. Check back once we're in the castle.


    Entry #17

    It turns out I was wrong and that this isn’t a castle, it’s just a big-ass house with stone walls and guard towers and shit. For whatever reason, these guys still haven’t taken my recorder away, so I can still record. Me and my man Unicorn are somewhere deep in the basement of some kinda weird-ass cult house. I’m assuming it’s a cult house because of the creepy drawings and candles everywhere. Plus all of the inhabitants are wearing the same hooded robes, so that’s also pretty sketchy.

    But yeah, we’re in the basement right now. I’m not sure what they’re planning for me and Unicorn, but I doubt they’re waiting for us to get ready for brunch. I really don’t know what to say other than this sucks. They just threw us in this stone room and locked the door. It’s pretty dark, so I obviously can’t see much, but the walls and floor are pretty dry, which is nice. Also there’s a stool in the corner. I’m sitting on that right now. I think I’m gonna take a nap. I know I should probably be concerned, but I’m really tired, so fuck it. Hasta manana.

    Entry #18

    No new developments other than that my back hurts from sleeping on a stool for an extended period of time. I’m not sure how long that period of time was, because I’m locked in a basement and it’s dark and I have no way of measuring time. Other than the back injury, I had an all-around pleasant nap. I don’t remember what I dreamed about because that’s usually pretty difficult, but who gives a fuck about that, right?

    I’m currently feeling the walls, looking for a way out. Secret passage or some shit like that. This place is weird enough that a trap door wouldn’t be all that surprising. So far I’ve had no luck, but I did find a rusty shackle that fell off the wall, so now I have some makeshift brass knuckles.

    I tried knocking on the door- it’s a small hatch in the ceiling that they dropped me and Unicorn through- and nothing happened. Either it’s night and they’re all asleep or I’m fucked.

    Entry #19

    Wanna hear something interesting? The cult guys fed me. They also fed Unicorn, but I was more excited about my food. There wasn’t much to be excited about, since it was just a loaf of bread and some meat, but hey, erybody gotta eat.

    I’m really bored. I found a rubber ball in the corner and I tried bouncing it but I guess it was really old because it cracked in half when it hit the ground.

    Entry #20

    So I found a loose stone brick, and I managed to get it out of the wall. There’s another space behind it. Not sure if it’s another part of the basement or a cave or something else, but it doesn’t matter because I can’t fit through it. Or rather, can’t fit through it YET. I’m tryna be optimistic, because some of these other stones are loose too. I can hear water running, so that might be a good sign. Unless their basement is flooded, in which case I can recommend a good plumber if they need one. I’m gonna get back to work, so I’ll be back later.


    Entry #21

    Progress has been made! But it’s taking a really long fucking time, and I hate to say it, but I’d rather see what these cultist guys have in store for me. Can’t be worse than the unforgiving wrath of Big Ape, right? But seriously, aside from chipping away at cement and occasionally pulling a brick out of the wall, I’ve been really bored. I’m beginning to think- holy fuck! The fucking wall just collapsed! I gotta go, not sure if the cultist guys heard that. They probably did, considering I just collapsed the foundation of their fucking HOUSE.

    Entry #22

    Alright so now I’m in a cave. God damn, it’s creepy down here. Me and Unicorn gotta find a way to the surface, and fast. The caves pretty big, but I can only see so far ahead of me. I took the lantern from the basement and ran, cuz I heard the cult folks running around upstairs. I can hear them looking for me. I bet they don’t even care that I escape, they’re probably just pissed cuz I ruined their house. Oh well.

    We must be pretty deep underground, cuz the cave’s made mostly of stone, and from what I could tell, this planet was just a bunch of sand. I found something that looks like an old mine shaft, and there’s a really old rope hanging down. Can’t see the top. I’m not about to climb that, because it’s sketchy as hell, but it could be a way out.

    Entry #23

    For the second time since we’ve been on this planet, me and Unicorn were almost buried in a massive fucking pile of sand. I tried pulling on the rope and the ceiling of the cave collapsed, and the whole thing filled with sand. Feel bad for the cultists that were looking for me (actually I don’t) but we’re on the surface now. Climbed up the massive sand heap.

    I can see the cultist’s creepy ass house, and most of it collapsed with the cave of the ceiling. I’m not sure what that rope was anchored to, but that was a sturdy fucking rope and an even sturdier fucking anchor. The cave wasn’t that sturdy though. And I’m guessing neither were the cultist’s skeletons when a huge chunk of rocks and sand buried them alive.

    That was a little dark, but I’ve been locked in a basement for a long time. I get to have an attitude of indifference towards the gruesome deaths of several people.

    Entry #24

    Turns out, all I had to do was reboot the ship’s teleportation module! God fucking damn it! I’ve spent two days on this lifeless fucking planet chilling in the basement of some cult when I could’ve just clicked a fucking button. Anyway, I’m pissed, but me and Unicorn are back on the ship, and I get to rest up. Didn’t find any fuel (or anything else for that matter) but I’m going back down tomorrow with Unicorn.

    Also: I found something else wayyy in the back of the ship locker- a dope little helmet for Unicorn! Fits perfectly on his little head. It’s pretty advanced; I’m pretty sure it’s made out of a titanium/durasteel hybrid alloy, but that’s just my guess.

    I’m going to bed. Night.

    Entry #25

    Rise and grind, am I right? Me and Unicorn back down on the surface, climbing around in the sand. I’m tryna find that cultist house, since they no doubt had resources. I’m gonna assume that not all of them were killed though. Shit’s still gonna be dangerous.

    Regardless, Unicorn still has a cool new helmet, which should intimidate any survivors to a certain extent. Maybe they’ll think I also went and got weapons. It’s sort of the equivalent of holding an unloaded gun; they don’t know that it’s not loaded, but if you act like it is, you have the upper hand.

    This whole thing could’ve been avoided if I hadn’t self-destructed the Destroyer when I was escaping the Colony. Damn it.

    Last edited: Feb 14, 2018
    rhomboid, Dipdoo, Zebe and 1 other person like this.
  2. Jareix Cryvix

    Jareix Cryvix The Waste of Time

    Enjoy it I will. I hope to see frequent updates
    The Squid likes this.
  3. rhomboid

    rhomboid 0118 999 881 99 9119 725... 3

    i like the story but goddamn do i admire your dedication to it
    The Squid and Zebe like this.
  4. The Squid

    The Squid Oxygen Tank

    Lol yeah, at this point it's just cruel to keep dragging it back up every few months :/
    rhomboid and Jareix Cryvix like this.
  5. rhomboid

    rhomboid 0118 999 881 99 9119 725... 3

    if it's any kind of fun or stress relief for you, then it's totally worth it ^^
    The Squid likes this.
  6. The Squid

    The Squid Oxygen Tank

    Did someone say "bring back mediocre starbound fan fiction?" because I wrote some more stuff lol check it out, part 3 or whatever

    r i p
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2017
    Zebe likes this.
  7. The Squid

    The Squid Oxygen Tank

    instead of writing the essay i need to do by tomorrow i forced myself to write five new entries because i remembered this thing. did anybody ask for this? no, but you're still welcome.

    edit: the key to writing is to write in 5-9 month intervals
    Zebe likes this.

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